So, it's been quite sometime now since my last post and a whole hell of alot has happened since then. Relationships beginning and ending, shifting and rolling. Of course being human, there has been many changes in relationships. They are constantly in flux. Whether they are intimate or not, whether they are with female friends or male, it's a river of change.
One thing that sometimes doesnot changed in relationship is how we are in them. For me being in relationship is a constant learning and relearning. I think I've got something, a gem, and it's going to be how I am in relationship and then Wham-o!, shit! I've done something from an old pattern. I really don't want to beat on myself to harshly for these programmed reactions but damn it! They really get on my nerves! I do feel I have a much smoother time these days of throwing love at the reaction instead of fire starter onto a blazing inferno of self hate. That's one great thing.
The part that just eats at me and brings me heart ache, is the part that reacts in the old way at all. I have struggled with self-doubt and self-loathing in my life as many women do. I feel this stuff that reoccurs around relationships has very much to do with this.
This self-doubt and lack of self love is what brings any of us to the brink of the eternal bog of stench every time. To love ourselves, is the magic key to having a beautiful, healthy relationship with a partner. It's the getting there, that is the interesting and juicy part. How do we scale the walls of the castle to get to the magnificent jewel inside?
Well, all I can do is speak from my experience and hope you learn something or just let it be for my own learning and healing. Bringing love to the times when you are feeling needy and want so bad to be validated is one way to cope with the climb. When you are at your most need ridden, tell yourself you are love, that you are all you need, and then do something the fulfills your heart.
I love to run and it fills my heart with joy! I also love to read something uplifting and funny. I love to dance, alot of times I'll just dance until the feeling subsides and then go about my day. I'll even do some mirror work and tell myself, I'm wonderful!
When I'm stuck I call my sisters or mom and ask them for their assistance. My mom does wonderful regression work with me, my sisters give me unconditional love and some clairvoyance. The one thing I do my best at not allowing is my self to dig a hole. I give love to the feeling of self-doubt right away. This has made it impossible to spin out of control. No relationship is worth a spin-out!!
I like what Marianne Williams says in her book Enchanted Love. She says this about sacred romance and it applies to us in-love with ourselves as well. " We find a whole new dimension of "for better or for worse." The light of love is bound to shine on the creepy, crawly aspects of ourselves, those pieces of the former brokenness lying hidden beneath the rocks within. Inside the tomb lie our dormant energies, our passion and our love, seemingly dead but only sleeping; love is come to remove the rock, heralding the resurrection of sanity and Self."
Our self-love has come to lift the rock. This is truly the only way we can then, have a love with another that can lift the rock on all of our dark places as one. We must be willing to love ourselves enough to take a look at the dark parts of us and then to also love those parts and embrace them.
~ I warn you: this will not be easy. I warn you: this will take some work. I warn you: love will burn you up. Are you ready to be burned, or would you rather just grow old?
I know for myself, I would rather burn, burn in the firey heat & flames of love!! I love myself open, I will set fire to my heart and my life. I deserve the kind of love the flames create and the kind of relationship that can with-stand such heat. I know this is some of my wonderful learning on this planet this time around and by Goddess, I will burn and turn to ashes all that needs to be engulfed, for true, crystal clear love and relationship from the heart to be a part of my experience.
I want to experience the healing and awakening power of such a beautiful & pure love!!
I want this love for everyone! I hope to be a vessel for showing this love and teaching how to recieve it.
Love & Light
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, July 22, 2011
Move Your Bod!!!
I recently held a Dance for opening through movement & dance. It was spellbinding how people open up and feel when they are moving! We are moving creatures, with limbs, and muscles for moving. It may seem like you are not a mover because perhaps you have been busy with work, are in a lazy patch or have just not been in the mood for pushing yourself.
I'm here to tell you...YOU ARE a MOVER!!! WE all are. We were born that way.
Even a walk can make open us up to new thoughts and new feelings. So, my suggestion for this post is MOVE IT!!! You will love yourself for it. I know we get in ruts & we may have a difficult time getting out of them. It is so worth the feeling of energy & goodness in your body.
I promise if you move your body in anyway, whether it's yoga, a walk in the evening or a workout class of course I suggest Dance in any shape or form, you will feel at least 60% better about yourself than if you don't. And I promise that if you keep it up for a month or more and you make it a part of your life, you will feel 100% better than before, you will literally change your molecular structure, meaning you will be a different person.
Literally! A different person! A whole new person inside and out! WOW!!!!!
You can be a new woman? Yep!
I did it! When I was 32 years old I went back to College. All I wanted to do was dance. I was embarrassed by my age and my lack of ability. I persevered and am now almost 40 and love dance, Ballet, Modern you name it I dance it. I'm even going to learn Ballet on point this next Fall semester.
I found out that by moving my body in the way that I loved, I changed me! I was actually a new person. I used to get off on extreme sports & guy stuff. Mountain biking, rock climbing hard. And don't get me wrong I can still keep up at those things it's just that the drive to do them has diminished. I embrace my feminine and my strengths as a woman now more than ever. I am strong physically but I no longer need to show that in a masculine way. I can me soft and gentle and beautiful and still be as strong and fierce.
Moving my body has changed my life! It has everything to do with who I am now and what I want to do with the rest of my life!
So, I am saying Move IT! Because you are a Gorgeous, Fabulous Woman and... believe me your body WANTS to move!!
I'm here to tell you...YOU ARE a MOVER!!! WE all are. We were born that way.
Even a walk can make open us up to new thoughts and new feelings. So, my suggestion for this post is MOVE IT!!! You will love yourself for it. I know we get in ruts & we may have a difficult time getting out of them. It is so worth the feeling of energy & goodness in your body.
I promise if you move your body in anyway, whether it's yoga, a walk in the evening or a workout class of course I suggest Dance in any shape or form, you will feel at least 60% better about yourself than if you don't. And I promise that if you keep it up for a month or more and you make it a part of your life, you will feel 100% better than before, you will literally change your molecular structure, meaning you will be a different person.
Literally! A different person! A whole new person inside and out! WOW!!!!!
You can be a new woman? Yep!
I did it! When I was 32 years old I went back to College. All I wanted to do was dance. I was embarrassed by my age and my lack of ability. I persevered and am now almost 40 and love dance, Ballet, Modern you name it I dance it. I'm even going to learn Ballet on point this next Fall semester.
I found out that by moving my body in the way that I loved, I changed me! I was actually a new person. I used to get off on extreme sports & guy stuff. Mountain biking, rock climbing hard. And don't get me wrong I can still keep up at those things it's just that the drive to do them has diminished. I embrace my feminine and my strengths as a woman now more than ever. I am strong physically but I no longer need to show that in a masculine way. I can me soft and gentle and beautiful and still be as strong and fierce.
Moving my body has changed my life! It has everything to do with who I am now and what I want to do with the rest of my life!
So, I am saying Move IT! Because you are a Gorgeous, Fabulous Woman and... believe me your body WANTS to move!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Men Showing up for us in the world ~
I've been reading David Deida alot lately, it has given me the focus on the kind of man I want in my life. I'm loving it! In the Way of the Superior Man David says many great things this chapter is one of my favorites.
When a man gives his true gift of sex to his women, he penetrates and blooms her beyond all limits into love.
He does the same with the world. To bloom a woman and world for real authenticity, persistence, and courage of heart. a man must know the truth at his core & be willing to give his gifts fully.
NO holding back. He must be willing to dedicate his sex and his life to magnifying love by penetrating woman and world with his true gifts. This willingness is rare.
Many men are willing to poke their woman and bloom her in a mediocre way.
If you are willing to discover & embrace your truth, lean through your fears, and give everything you've got, you can penetrate the world and your woman from the core of your being and bloom into love without limit.
You can ravish your woman so deeply that her surrender breaks your heart into light. You can press yourself into the world with such enduring love that the world opens and receives your deepest gifts.
There is no essential difference between entering your woman's feminine heart and entering the world. Both are forms of intercourse, sexual and worldly, require sensitivity, spontaneity, and strong connection to deep truth in order to penetrate chaos and closure in a way that love prevails.
There are two ways to be with woman and world without compromising your true gifts or dribbling away the force of your deep being. You can become a hermit and renounce intimacy & world renouncing the hassle of woman and world or
The other is to "fuck" both tho smithereens, to ravish them with your love unsheathed, to give your true gifts despite the constant tussle of woman & world, to smelt your authentic gifts in friction of opposition and surrender, to thrust love from the freedom of your deep being even as your body and mind die blissfully through a crucifixion of inevitable pleasure and pain, attraction and repulsion, gain & loss. No gifts left ungiven. No limit to the depth of being. Only openness, freedom, and love as a legacy of your intercourse with woman and world.
When a man gives his true gift of sex to his women, he penetrates and blooms her beyond all limits into love.
He does the same with the world. To bloom a woman and world for real authenticity, persistence, and courage of heart. a man must know the truth at his core & be willing to give his gifts fully.
NO holding back. He must be willing to dedicate his sex and his life to magnifying love by penetrating woman and world with his true gifts. This willingness is rare.
Many men are willing to poke their woman and bloom her in a mediocre way.
If you are willing to discover & embrace your truth, lean through your fears, and give everything you've got, you can penetrate the world and your woman from the core of your being and bloom into love without limit.
You can ravish your woman so deeply that her surrender breaks your heart into light. You can press yourself into the world with such enduring love that the world opens and receives your deepest gifts.
There is no essential difference between entering your woman's feminine heart and entering the world. Both are forms of intercourse, sexual and worldly, require sensitivity, spontaneity, and strong connection to deep truth in order to penetrate chaos and closure in a way that love prevails.
There are two ways to be with woman and world without compromising your true gifts or dribbling away the force of your deep being. You can become a hermit and renounce intimacy & world renouncing the hassle of woman and world or
The other is to "fuck" both tho smithereens, to ravish them with your love unsheathed, to give your true gifts despite the constant tussle of woman & world, to smelt your authentic gifts in friction of opposition and surrender, to thrust love from the freedom of your deep being even as your body and mind die blissfully through a crucifixion of inevitable pleasure and pain, attraction and repulsion, gain & loss. No gifts left ungiven. No limit to the depth of being. Only openness, freedom, and love as a legacy of your intercourse with woman and world.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
To be like Jane Eyre ~
One of the energies up in my life on this road to being my sweet, hot self is to not be a VICTIM in my life!
This is a big one. I have been a victim many times in my life, my circumstances have been someone else's fault. My unbearable marriage was his fault, my lack of something was my parents fault, on and on.
I came to understand a long time ago that this is my journey, I create my life and I alone! Meaning I am never a victim to another persons or things will or whim. I am responsible to by own manifestation and energies in my life. Whether its karmic or something else. It is mine.
I have been taking a close look at this recently and it has been amusing.
There havebeen some "bullies" in my life and I have taken a step back and time to reflect and notice this energy, asking it to show me the way to my beautiful strong self through it.
I like what has transpired and have loved myself through it.
I pulled out my Goddess cards and of course Sedna "the victim" showed herself to me. She told me to dance my victim. I will do just that. Tara was there for centering and Cerridwen was there to for birth & death. All the energies for a wonderful transformation into Being powerful. I stood my ground when before I may have wavered to keep the peace. I stated what I was willing to compromise on and what I would not. I feel I was strong & fair. After the smoke had cleared, all was well and the things I saw as bullies revealed themselves as just tools, guides if you will on my journey.
I had to remind myself that the path to love is not always skipping through the tulips...yet.
As I was eating my yummy salad after a long day at work, I put Jane Eyre on netflix. No real reason, just thought I'll watch this for a bit. Well, there she was, strong, obstinate and full of integrity. Jane Eyre could have easily fell victim to her shitty circumstances, instead she kept her heart and mind strong and full of her truth and marched onward. She is a beautiful & glorious archetype in my life now and I wanted to share her with you, just incase you had never seen her or had forgotten.
To own your HOTTIE you need to watch or READ Jane Eyre and bring her beautiful strength and her spirit into your heart and let it shine out of you.
She is you and she can make a difference in your life by letting her guide you when life may seem as if the bullies are picking on you.
I also recommend getting the Goddess Oracle cards by Amy Sophia Marashinsky. Guides have an easier time talking to us sometimes through cards and also nature.
That is all for now, I love you and remember to stand up for what you feel in your heart is the best and highest for you. You are a Hottie and deserve it!
p.s. "Bullies" are just your angels, guides whatever you call them, reminding you to stand up!
This is a big one. I have been a victim many times in my life, my circumstances have been someone else's fault. My unbearable marriage was his fault, my lack of something was my parents fault, on and on.
I came to understand a long time ago that this is my journey, I create my life and I alone! Meaning I am never a victim to another persons or things will or whim. I am responsible to by own manifestation and energies in my life. Whether its karmic or something else. It is mine.
I have been taking a close look at this recently and it has been amusing.
There havebeen some "bullies" in my life and I have taken a step back and time to reflect and notice this energy, asking it to show me the way to my beautiful strong self through it.
I like what has transpired and have loved myself through it.
I pulled out my Goddess cards and of course Sedna "the victim" showed herself to me. She told me to dance my victim. I will do just that. Tara was there for centering and Cerridwen was there to for birth & death. All the energies for a wonderful transformation into Being powerful. I stood my ground when before I may have wavered to keep the peace. I stated what I was willing to compromise on and what I would not. I feel I was strong & fair. After the smoke had cleared, all was well and the things I saw as bullies revealed themselves as just tools, guides if you will on my journey.
I had to remind myself that the path to love is not always skipping through the tulips...yet.
As I was eating my yummy salad after a long day at work, I put Jane Eyre on netflix. No real reason, just thought I'll watch this for a bit. Well, there she was, strong, obstinate and full of integrity. Jane Eyre could have easily fell victim to her shitty circumstances, instead she kept her heart and mind strong and full of her truth and marched onward. She is a beautiful & glorious archetype in my life now and I wanted to share her with you, just incase you had never seen her or had forgotten.
To own your HOTTIE you need to watch or READ Jane Eyre and bring her beautiful strength and her spirit into your heart and let it shine out of you.
She is you and she can make a difference in your life by letting her guide you when life may seem as if the bullies are picking on you.
I also recommend getting the Goddess Oracle cards by Amy Sophia Marashinsky. Guides have an easier time talking to us sometimes through cards and also nature.
That is all for now, I love you and remember to stand up for what you feel in your heart is the best and highest for you. You are a Hottie and deserve it!
p.s. "Bullies" are just your angels, guides whatever you call them, reminding you to stand up!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Welcome Ladies ~
Hello Ladies of all shapes & sizes. I decided to share my journey with you.
The journey of finally once and for all getting and loving the fact that I am a HOTTIE!
I have recently decided to be single again after 3 years and find myself asking of course...Why?
Well, it's not so much the why as it is the how? And the What the Fuck.
So, delving back into the mystery of what is Ali and what does she want, I find myself at square one finally ready to claim my crown as a HOTTIE.
What the hell does this mean you are probably asking?
To me it means alot of things. It means understanding that I am at my core and heart a divine, beautiful being and to be hard on myself and mean to myself is counter intuitive and productive to what I want in my life.
It means claiming my body as beautiful at all times, not just when I'm in tiptop shape. It means going for what I believe in my heart and staying true to myself on the journey.
It means knowing I'm beautiful, talented, a wonderful mom, a great cook and fabulous gardner. It means saying yes, to me as an artist, dancer, counselor and partner. To know in my bones that I can have a healthy, sexy, amazing, light filled relationship with a man that lasts this lifetime or not have a relationship and be perfectly, sweetly rockin on my own.
Please join me on this journey as I get inspired, learn new things, reflect on old stuff and basically have a fabulous time being Hot along the way. :) I hope to inspire and assist you on the journey to your HOT self too.
The journey of finally once and for all getting and loving the fact that I am a HOTTIE!
I have recently decided to be single again after 3 years and find myself asking of course...Why?
Well, it's not so much the why as it is the how? And the What the Fuck.
So, delving back into the mystery of what is Ali and what does she want, I find myself at square one finally ready to claim my crown as a HOTTIE.
What the hell does this mean you are probably asking?
To me it means alot of things. It means understanding that I am at my core and heart a divine, beautiful being and to be hard on myself and mean to myself is counter intuitive and productive to what I want in my life.
It means claiming my body as beautiful at all times, not just when I'm in tiptop shape. It means going for what I believe in my heart and staying true to myself on the journey.
It means knowing I'm beautiful, talented, a wonderful mom, a great cook and fabulous gardner. It means saying yes, to me as an artist, dancer, counselor and partner. To know in my bones that I can have a healthy, sexy, amazing, light filled relationship with a man that lasts this lifetime or not have a relationship and be perfectly, sweetly rockin on my own.
Please join me on this journey as I get inspired, learn new things, reflect on old stuff and basically have a fabulous time being Hot along the way. :) I hope to inspire and assist you on the journey to your HOT self too.
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